Is The Pope Catholic?

by Jason Nelson

Fourteen times, I’ve seen them. They keep running at me. With skates

and fruit baskets they attack me. I’ve always considered fruit my friend,

and at the very least a wave from a distance acquaintance. Somewhere in the

entire scheme of things, in the entire scope of universal truths and

storage facility building plans, somewhere these fruits have turned on me.

I’ll never be sure how they got skates though. But I’ve seen clues doing

strange things with soap and cloth lined hangers. And it makes me cry.

There are some people who say men shouldn’t cry. But then I get nervous

when people start talking about my penis and tear ducts in the same

sentence. It makes me feel kinda funny. Tactics have been developed for

stopping the produce’s attacking ways. But refrigeration is always

something you want to avoid doing, unless you absolutely have to. And even

then only in ten degree intervals.

Next: “Religion’s Last Gasp”