The Life and Times of Tanzee… part one

by Jason Nelson

Be careful what you do. They’re filming you. It might sound like a big, and way

too complicated project. But a loosely adjusted group of wealthy directors and

producers is making a movie about life. I know, I know, you’re saying the

existence of life hasn’t ever been convincingly proven, or is that someone else.

It’s hard to tell, with all of you crammed together so closely. The film makers

want to document life, all of it, as it happens. They’ve put movie cameras

everywhere. Before you start tearing apart your house and convulsing, just know

that they’re hidden so well that I doubt you’ll find one. Don’t be mad if

sections of your life are cut out. Despite the absolute need for certain bodily

functions, I’m pretty sure there are laws against showing defecation on the big

screen, at least up close. Also, don’t get annoyed if some special effects are

added. A few explosions and cartoon characters will add some much needed spice

to all of your, excuse the phrase, fairly boring lives. I’m not sure when the

film will be released. It’s an ongoing project after all. But you’ll be glad to

know I recently read a pamphlet at the Laundromat predicting our last days will

come soon. So, don’t miss finding out what your neighbors have really been up to

in that creepy backyard shed. Buy your ticket early, and avoid the long lines.