Garage Sale Vinyl: Dead Serios
Who’s Your Buddy? / Long Song Records / April 1987
by Christopher Long
There’s an age-old axiom that speaks to the wisdom that should come naturally with age: “If I only knew then, what I know now.” Truth be told, if I had a shiny shilling for every time that saying has come to mind in my “golden years,” I could afford that Gordon Lightfoot CD box set down at the local flea market. Ooh, “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald,” the definitive date night audio aphrodisiac!
In my defense, back in 2004, the last thing on my “Bingo card” would have been the vinyl comeback. And honestly, after nearly 20 years, I was getting pretty tired of tripping over that crate out in my garage, the one containing 200 unsold vinyl copies of Who’s Your Buddy?, the debut LP from my band, Dead Serios. Under my decades-long secret agent stage name, DL Serios, I was the group’s founding frontman AND financier. I’d released the eight-song set on my own Long Song Records label back in 1987, and if I wanted to finally drag that crateful of worthless crap to the curb, nobody was gonna stop me. So, I did. DOH!
A vinyl LP compilation culled from our first two cassette EPs: Dead in the USA (1985) and Metal Force (1986), Who’s Your Buddy? was a downright dreadful record. While the musicianship was excellent, the production was barely adequate, and I couldn’t (and still can’t) sing, which is sort of a deal breaker for a lead singer. Inspired by Spinal Tap, the songs were intentionally dopey — fueled by tongue-in-cheek lyrics about cruisin’ for chicks and chasing painted ladies in the night. But unless you were in on the joke, the lyrics seemed genuinely dumb, especially as time has marched on. I mean, c’mon now, “Hot girls — sex-for-money Sally. For just a little cash you can sink the pink.” Really? Who on earth writes that kinda moronic drivel? Apparently, I did.
Several years after I put that crate of “worthless” vinyl out at the curb, Dead Serios was scheduled to perform along with such bands as Great White, Faster Pussycat, and Enuff Z’nuff at the 2014 ’80s IN THE PARK festival in Melbourne, Florida. By that time, we’d been revered for decades for our more obviously intentional absurd songs and outrageous stage shows. In fact, we took home Florida’s “Entertainer of the Year” honors at the 1991 Jammy Awards ceremony, hosted by JAM! magazine, and in January 2015, we’d commemorate our 30th anniversary with a special show at the prestigious King Center for the Performing Arts, also in Melbourne, Florida.
A few days prior to our 2014 ’80s IN THE PARK performance, I found a couple of stray copies of Who’s Your Buddy? in a musty box lurking in my garage — without proper album covers, just the naked records in plain white paper sleeves. Although I was certain that nobody would pony up even a nickel, as a goof, I put them out on our ’80s IN THE PARK after-show merch table, priced at an obscene $20 each. They BOTH sold INSTANTLY. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, for sure.
I wasn’t sure if vinyl was making a comeback, or if the two Who’s Your Buddy? LPs were merely snatched up by crazed collectors. I’d been seeing vintage Dead Serios releases in various configurations popping up online for ridiculous prices in recent years. At the 2018 ’80s IN THE PARK post-show meet-and-greet, a kid from Argentina paid an on-site vendor $50 for a copy of our 1995 CD Face Rake. And in 2023, European author Alexandros Anesiadis dedicated an entire chapter to the Dead Serios Who’s Your Buddy? era in his book, Heroes of the Metal Underground: The Definitive Guide to 1980s American Independent Metal Bands. Yeah, I was shocked by that one too!
Then, in 2024, I found myself (finally) clearing out the longtime family Florida storage unit, as I prepped to relocate to Oklahoma. It’s a long story. Anyway, to promote this little pop-up estate sale, I’d posted pics on Facebook of a few prime items that were up for grabs, one of which was my grandmother’s 1966 Magnavox home stereo. A solid wood, all-in-one unit that included a record player, AM/FM receiver, four built-in speakers, and an LP storage compartment, it had been a beautiful piece of furniture back in the day. But the ’60s had been a VERY long time ago. By 2024, after being in storage for nearly a decade, the unit appeared to be in terrible condition, and I doubted that it even still worked.
So, this guy pulls up to my storage unit driving a small moving van, as he was interested in buying Granny’s old Magnavox. Despite its hideous condition, the fella could spot the diamond in the rough, and he offered me double what I was asking. For that much scratch, I told the guy that he could take the unit and keep whatever was in its storage compartment. Done deal!
He loaded the unit onto a dolly, rolled it over to his van, and hoisted it in. Less than an hour later, the fella texted me a pic of the unit, polished perfectly and placed prominently in his beachside condo. And, it still worked! A few minutes later, he sent me a surprise: a pic of the original paperwork from when the Magnavox guy delivered the unit to my grandmother’s house — in March 1966! Apparently, it was all tucked inside the unit’s storage compartment. I had no idea!
The next night, the guy tracked me down at the nightclub where I was DJ-ing, and he had another surprise: a STACK of Who’s Your Buddy? LPs! What the heck, dude? Apparently, they’d had been hiding inside the storage compartment as well. Now realizing the value of that miserable album, and that I’d sold the guy the unit and its contents, I asked him how much he wanted for the LPs. With a sly wink, he said, “Nothing, man. That music belongs to you!” Aw — a tearful Hallmark conclusion!
I appreciated the fella’s thoughtfulness, and I received the records with tremendous gratitude. But I ain’t gonna lie, I still CAN’T listen to the freaking thing. Truly dreadful, indeed!
2/5 ⭐⭐
Who’s Your Buddy Track List
SIDE ONE
1. I’m on Fire (D.L. Serios, S. Coleman) – 2:51
2. Bad Luck (D.L. Serios) – 2:46
3. Only One for Me (D.L. Serios, J. Witherell) – 2:04
4. Down-n-Rockin’ (D.L. Serios, S. Coleman) – 2:39
SIDE TWO
1. Children of the Night (D.L. Serios, J. Witherell) – 2:29
2. Addiction Affliction (D.L. Serios, J. Witherell) – 3:32
3. On the Prowl (D.L. Serios, S. Coleman) – 3:48
4. Harbor City (D.L. Serios, J. Witherell, B. Dumas) – 3:37
